Struggling with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Three Ways You'll Crush Fear of Success

Many individuals contending with rejection-sensitive dysphoria and ADHD discover that achieving goals entails not only confronting external challenges but also combating internal doubts about their worthiness and apprehensions about achieving success. This paradoxical fear, which appears contradictory to societal ideals that celebrate accomplishment, illuminates the complex emotional landscape experienced by those living with ADHD. 

While ADHD primarily affects attention, focus, and impulse control, it can also impact various aspects of an individual's life, including their perceptions of success.

ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and Fear of Success 

When you live with ADHD and experience "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" (RSD), the risk of giving your best shot at something and consistently not meeting expectations is a threat that is so painful and distressing that it feels unsafe.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is when an individual with ADHD experiences extreme emotional pain triggered by the perception, real or imagined, of being: 
• rejected
• teased
• criticized
• a disappointment to important people in their lives
• disappointed in themselves when they failed to meet their own standards or goals. 

According to Dr. William Dodson, MD., (RSD) is only found in individuals with ADHD. Dr. Dodson says that this emotional pain is intense and experienced as catastrophic. (Attention Magazine, October 2016; National Resource Center on ADHD, ADHD Weekly, April 4, 2019).

Living with ADHD and Rejection of Sensitive Dysphoria often leads to a familiar response: avoiding effort unless success is certain, to dodge feeling inadequate. Stepping outside your comfort zone may feel risky. There's a lingering idea that you might not deserve success even if you try.

Here are three ways you'll crush the fear of success when you live with ADHD and rejection-sensitive dysphoria, so you can live a more positive and prosperous life.  

Zero In On What You CAN Do 

Believing they succeed through luck rather than merit and effort can lead to fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Quick Tips:

• Release the pressure of doing things perfectly, as it consumes time and energy. Constantly reviewing and revising a task can be draining and result in burnout. Moreover, it hinders progress and prevents you from reaching your full potential.
• Direct your attention to what you can manage. It's impossible to prevent every mistake or mishap. The key is to focus on giving your best effort.
• Grant yourself the freedom to stop dwelling on past mistakes. Instead, concentrate on your strengths and forge ahead.

Focus on Sustaining Effort

Doubts about the capacity to consistently uphold the effort needed to maintain success can fuel apprehension toward success.

Quick Tips:

• Break Tasks into Manageable Steps:  Breaking them down into the smallest, most laughably doable steps can make them feel less daunting and more achievable. This can help in sustaining effort over time. •
• Set Realistic Goals: Setting achievable goals that are neither easy nor difficult can help build confidence and motivation. This prevents the fear of failure and the pressure of continuously sustaining high levels of effort.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and celebrate every small achievement along the way. This not only boosts morale but also reinforces the idea that success is attainable, which can reduce the fear associated with it.
• Develop Consistent Routines: Establishing consistent routines and habits can provide structure and stability, making it easier to sustain effort over time. This can include daily schedules, regular exercise, and adequate sleep patterns.
• Learn from Setbacks: Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. Analyze what went wrong, adjust your approach if necessary, and move forward with renewed determination.
• Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome: Shift your focus from solely aiming for the end result to enjoying the journey and the process of achieving your goals. This can reduce the pressure associated with success and make it easier to sustain effort over time.

Let Go of Expectations

Success can also attract attention and expectations, which can overwhelm those who may struggle with sensory overload and social anxiety.

Quick Tips:

• Introduce change slowly and gradually whenever possible. This can help you adjust more comfortably to new routines or responsibilities, reducing the fear associated with sudden shifts.
• Create Predictable Routines: Establishing and sticking to predictable routines can provide a sense of stability and security for individuals with ADHD. This can help alleviate anxiety about disruptions to familiar patterns.
• Communicate Your Needs and Boundaries: Encourage open communication with friends, family, and colleagues about needs and boundaries. This can help manage expectations and reduce the pressure of perceived scrutiny.
• Develop Coping Strategies: Identify and practice coping strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and sensory overload. This may include mindfulness techniques, deep breathing exercises, or sensory breaks.
• Seek Support and Guidance: Don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals, such as therapists or ADHD coaches. They can provide guidance, validation, and practical strategies for coping with challenges.
• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Emphasize progress over perfection and celebrate small achievements along the way. This can help build confidence and motivation while reducing the fear of falling short of expectations.
• Embrace Flexibility: Cultivate a mindset of flexibility and adaptability to navigate changes and unexpected challenges. Being able to adjust to new circumstances can reduce anxiety about the unknown.
• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Recognize and challenge negative thoughts and self-doubt that may fuel the fear of change or success. Practice positive self-talk and affirmations to build resilience and confidence.
• Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge your wins, no matter how small. This can reinforce a positive attitude towards change and success, making them feel less intimidating.
• Educate Yourself and Others: Learn more about ADHD and how it affects individuals differently. Educating yourself and others can help foster understanding, empathy, and support in managing the challenges associated with ADHD.

It's important to recognize that the relationship between ADHD, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and fear of success can vary greatly from person to person. Not everyone with ADHD will experience a fear of success, and those who do may have different reasons for it. Therapy, coaching, and support groups can be helpful for individuals with ADHD in addressing these fears and developing strategies to overcome them.
 

To sum up, to crush fear of success when you live with rejection-sensitive dysphoria and ADHD: 

• Zero In On What You CAN Do
• Focus on Sustaining Effort
• Let Go of Expectations

Warmly,

PS. Need assistance crushing your fear of success and rejection sensitive dysphoria? 

Contact me for an ADHD Strategy Assessment, and we will set you up with some strategies right away!

Transforming Parents Lives