How to Determine What's Most Important for People with ADHD

Many people with ADHD rush through their days, responding quickly to other people’s demands and neglecting their most important priorities. You may find it challenging to align your priorities with your long-term goals because everything feels equally important. This results in reacting instantly to events without adequate planning or prioritizing.

ADHD and False Priorities 

Instead of placing their primary concerns first, many individuals with ADHD tend to let habits, situations, or other people’s demands dictate their focus. This often results in neglecting your own life goals.

Prioritizing competing goals and demands is an executive function that requires intentional decision-making about what’s most important to you. 

Does this sound familiar? 

• I pay my bills according to what’s on top of the pile. 
• I handle my tasks as I’ve always done, but it’s not working effectively.
• I do what everyone else does. If my family is focused, I am focused, which isn’t that often, I must admit. 
• Squeaky wheel gets the oil with me. Whoever shouts the loudest.  I don’t want any trouble.
• I do my tasks according to how I feel. That’s why my house is a mess. I never feel like cleaning. 
• When I pass by my laundry machine, it reminds me to take the clothes out of the dryer. 
• I prioritize the easiest tasks first. 
• Whoever asks me first for something is what I start with. 
• I like others to tell me what is most important. I don’t like the responsibility. 
• I like to check many things off my list to feel productive.¹
 

Here are three ways to determine what's most important so you can prioritize when you live with ADHD.  

Slow Down and Be Intentional 

Quick Tips:

• Find a quiet place to reflect on your day. 
• Think of your long-term goals. Identify the task that will get you closer to reaching one of your goals. 
• Reduce device usage to free your mind from unnecessary distractions, helping you make more thoughtful decisions about priorities.
• Set a specific time to access social media and other content using a timer. This can help you resist using your devices at other times of the day.

Distinguish Urgent From Important

Urgent tasks demand immediate attention—they shout, "Now!" For someone with ADHD, many tasks can feel urgent for various reasons:

•    They seem more enjoyable than what you're currently doing.
•    You fear you'll forget to do them if not done immediately.
•    They involve notifications or phone calls that demand immediate response.

For example, if you’re a student who may not read a book all semester, it becomes urgent when studying for a final exam. The book had value all along but wasn't acted upon until the urgency arose.

Quick Tips:

• Use the principles of The Eisenhower Matrix. There’s a leadership principle from President Dwight D. Eisenhower that helped him succeed throughout his career:
The Eisenhower Decision Principle states: What is important is rarely urgent, and what is urgent is rarely important.
• Stephen Covey popularized this principle in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Covey created a decision matrix to distinguish between tasks based on urgency and importance. The matrix is divided into four quadrants:

1.    Urgent/Important: Tasks needing immediate attention that align with long-term goals, like emergencies or deadlines.
2.    Not Urgent/Important: Tasks critical for personal growth and goals, such as planning, exercise, or quality time with loved ones.
3.    Urgent/Not Important: Tasks demanding attention but not contributing to long-term goals, often interruptions like phone calls or favors for others.
4.    Not Urgent/Not Important: Tasks that are distractions and do not contribute to goals, like TV or social media scrolling.

• Focus on Quadrant 2 (Not Urgent/Important) to help achieve long-term fulfillment.  Neglecting these tasks can lead to feeling busy and unable to accomplish meaningful goals. Identifying and prioritizing activities aligned with personal values and goals is crucial rather than continuously reacting to urgent matters or non-essential distractions.

Stay Accountable to Tasks That Do Not Demand Your Attention

Quick Tips:

• Try to focus on important tasks and behaviors that will make you feel good, such as prioritizing tasks and activities that don’t demand your attention.
• According to experts, four priority areas seem to get overlooked: paperwork, socializing, reading, and exercising. 

• Plan weekly time for paperwork when you are not tired. This includes unloading your child’s backpack. Tell a friend you’re going to work on paperwork. When you tell someone what you’re going to do, there’s more of a likelihood you will do it.
• Meet with friends at clubs, support groups, and community gatherings so you know you will see them regularly. 
• Schedule regular times for reading, such as during exercise and before bed. Remove your television from the bedroom. Listen to audiobooks. Join a book club to stay accountable for reading and socializing. 
• Walk with a friend to get some exercise. 

To sum up, to determine what's most important so you can prioritize when you live with ADHD, 

• Slow Down and Be Intentional
• Distinguish Urgent From Important
• Stay Accountable to Tasks That Do Not Demand Your Attention

1 Adapted from ADHD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life, J. Kolberg & K. Nadeau (2017). 

Warmly,

PS. Need assistance determining what's important to you so you can manage your priorities? 

Contact me for an ADHD Strategy Assessment, and we will find an optimal solution that will work best for you!

Transforming Parents Lives